In today’s fast-paced and competitive work environment, collaboration is often the key to success. However, there are times when working with a peer engineering manager who is highly territorial and focused on ownership can become a barrier to that success. These managers may resist help, hold tight to their domain, and view collaboration as a threat to their control. Overcoming these challenges is possible with a thoughtful, empathetic approach that focuses on building trust and fostering mutual respect.
1. Understand Their Perspective
The first step in improving your relationship with a territorial engineering manager is to understand where they are coming from. Their behavior could be driven by a variety of factors, including past experiences, pressure from higher-ups, or a fear of losing authority. By taking the time to listen to their concerns and motivations, you can better navigate the situation.
- Start a conversation: Have an open, one-on-one conversation to understand their perspective. Ask questions about their goals and challenges, and truly listen.
- Acknowledge their ownership: Recognize the importance of their role and make it clear that you respect their leadership. Validation can help reduce feelings of insecurity.
2. Communicate Clearly and Effectively
Effective communication is the foundation of any strong professional relationship. When approaching a peer engineering manager who is focused on ownership, it’s crucial to frame your communication in a way that fosters collaboration rather than competition.
- Shift the narrative: Instead of offering help, present your support as a partnership. Use language that emphasizes working together towards shared goals rather than stepping on their turf.
- Highlight common objectives: Focus on the bigger picture, such as the success of the product or team. Emphasizing shared goals can reduce defensiveness and encourage cooperation.
3. Build Trust Gradually
Trust is not built overnight, especially with someone who is protective of their work. Start small and look for opportunities to demonstrate that you’re a reliable and valuable partner.
- Offer small, non-intrusive support: Start by offering help on minor tasks or areas that don’t directly threaten their sense of ownership. Over time, as you prove your value, they may become more open to larger collaborations.
- Lead by example: Sometimes showing your own success can be more effective than offering direct help. Share your achievements and lessons learned in a way that is informative rather than boastful. This may inspire them to seek your input.
4. Respect Their Boundaries
One of the most important aspects of working with a territorial manager is respecting their boundaries. Pushing too hard can result in further resistance and strain the relationship.
- Know when to back off: Understand when it’s best to give them space and let them take ownership. Sometimes stepping back can show that you trust their abilities, which in turn can build mutual respect.
- Excel in your own domain: By focusing on excelling in your own responsibilities, you create a situation where your success becomes a leverage point for future collaboration.
5. Find Common Ground for Alignment
Sometimes the easiest way to bridge the gap with a territorial peer is to find areas where your interests overlap. Look for opportunities to align your efforts and create situations where both of you can win.
- Identify mutual benefits: Find projects or tasks where both of you have a stake in the outcome. Propose joint initiatives that allow you to co-own the success, making it less about who owns what and more about achieving shared results.
- Suggest cross-functional projects: Propose projects that require input from multiple teams or functions. This can create a natural reason for collaboration and reduce the perception of competition.
6. Use Emotional Intelligence
Navigating relationships in the workplace often requires a high degree of emotional intelligence. Understanding the emotional drivers behind your peer’s behavior can help you respond with empathy and patience.
- Stay calm and patient: If a peer manager is resistant or defensive, responding with frustration will only escalate the situation. Instead, remain calm and show that you’re there to support, not to compete.
- Acknowledge their contributions: Publicly acknowledge their strengths and contributions to the team. This can reduce defensiveness and make them feel more secure in their position.
7. Involve a Third Party if Necessary
If you’ve made several attempts to improve the relationship without success, it may be time to involve a neutral third party. This could be a senior leader or mediator who can help facilitate a more open conversation between the two of you.
- Keep the focus on collaboration: If you do bring in a third party, make sure the goal is framed as improving collaboration, not as a confrontation. The focus should always be on finding solutions that benefit the team and company as a whole.
Conclusion
Working with a territorial engineering manager can be frustrating, but by taking the right approach, it is possible to build a strong and collaborative relationship. By understanding their perspective, communicating effectively, building trust, respecting boundaries, and using emotional intelligence, you can create an environment where collaboration is welcomed rather than feared. Over time, with patience and persistence, you can transform a guarded peer into a valuable ally.